guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That accounts for only three of the penises
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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