There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
When did angry sex become our thing?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
