why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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