But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
