he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
