you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize