she was so not down for the gang bang
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
