I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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