hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
