I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
