hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
