Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
