you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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