hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
