Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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