Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
