fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
