i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
