I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
