hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
