I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
