Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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