god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
