Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
