so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
