I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The uberlube is also flammable
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
