remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
