I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
