im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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