ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize