i barfeds in our rink
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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