it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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