I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
