I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
