we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
