Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
