If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
