do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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