We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
