the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
True strength comes from lack of pants
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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