dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
