im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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