i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
