Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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