so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
