The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
