I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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