At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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