Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
