id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
