I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
