make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He did a backflip because drugs
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
