I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize