Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
