If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
