Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Randomize
