This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
