what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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