There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
