So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
