I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
