Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
