i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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