Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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