I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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