New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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