what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
