So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
