any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
