it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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