i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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