standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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