Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize