C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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