I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
These tits shall not be calmed
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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