Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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