You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
